Just over six weeks ago my best friend said she wasn't feeling well. As a health professional, she is in her own words "the worst kind of patient". A visit to the Doctor revealed that there was a growth in her abdomen, and tests were ordered. A CT Scan showed a growth in the pancreas. More tests, and a biopsy revealed a tumour involving the Mesenteric Artery and Vein. Inoperable, though she would be given chemotherapy.
In the middle of all this she asked me if she could stay with us at half-term. She wanted to visit London Zoo and the Tower of London with her husband and daughter. She wanted her daughter to have these memories of her Mother.
Still I held out some hope, if not of a cure, then time, more time. Stunned at the speed of the diagnosis and prognosis, and my friend's own gut instinct that nothing could be done. Of the finality in her voice when, after another meeting with doctor and consultant she declared, "I'm screwed".
My first reaction, and that of many around her, was, she's giving in. What about a second opinion? What about America, suggested another friend where more advanced treatments are more available?
Then through many conversations with my friend I began to understand her wishes and needs for the time she does have, and I stopped clutching at straws. She hopes for a year. In that time, she will have a summer holiday with her husband and daughter, birthdays and Christmas. Those are her hopes, and what she doesn't want is to spend the time she has "chasing rainbows", using up the time and energy she has in and out of hospitals.
No longer do I inwardly protest her fatalistic attitude. This is her life and her time. This is what she needs. I'm going with that.
Can I say I'm accepting? I'm not sure, but I'll do the best I know how.
What I ask of you, who visit, drop in, or find this place by accident, is that you hope with me, that my dearest friend, my soul sister, is granted her wish, her "two ounces of bliss", as Patry Francis writes. Prayers, candles, chanting, good vibrations, thoughts and anything that you wish , is welcome and I thank you for it.
My friends name is Angharad, she is Eleri Mai's mother and wife of Wayne. And we all visited 100 Aker Wood together in my previous post.